1st Period 20:00 – Kings walk out of Harry Potter’s Wizarding World Castle as the Game Presentation team goes out on a limb with Back in Black entrance music.
Alan Held sings the anthem to a few classless boo birds and checks the lyrics on his iPod
1st Period 17:51 – Mason Raymond snipes. Surprising ovation for the bad guys!
1st Period 16:47 – Tanner Glass’ first shift of the game. Not to be confused with Danny or DJ Tanner.
1st Period 15:53 – Steve Bernier absolutely nails Rich Clune and sets the record for Most Expensive hit ever at $850,000.
Poor camera work and we miss the Quick-Hank shoving match; sounds like a porno. The crowd seems so amazed with the physicality of the game. Reminds me of a WWE crowd – they aren’t really sure whether to cheer or boo, but as long as there is carnage they will be entertained.
1st Period 11:30 – Edler is an animal.
1st Period 10:54 – Good friend and fellow Vancouverite at the game texts, “there’s a sign that reads Don’t fear the Gingers!”
1st Period 8:56 – Doughty scores; the Staples Centre goal horn sounds like my friends old Dodge Aries getting hit by a freight train. Nice psychological warfare with the cafeteria-fries-warmer-red-light shining down on Luongo after a goal.
1st Period 6:31 – Jack Johnson regroups, and throws a massive head fake to nobody in particular.
There needs to be a tool in advertising that measures product and brand boycotts due to enormous ad buys coupled with terrible creative. In a related story, I am pretty sure I will never eat at an East Side Marios.
Scott Oake reports that Rob Scuderi’s nickname is “the Piece”. Similarly, Canucks fans have crowned Andrew Alberts as “the Tool”.
2nd Period 18:54 – unnamed LA fan needs a lesson in glass banging 101 as he tosses a half dozen right jabs at the glass.
2nd Period 15:56 – fresh batch of fries dropped into the cafeteria warmer; 2-1 Tom Laidlaws.
2nd Period 15:55 – quick glance at Ryan Smyth’s goalie knob. Is that really necessary?
2nd Period 7:42 – 3 – 1 Marcel Dionnes. The PK is killing us.
2nd Period 6:49 – Rome tea kettles Halpern
2nd Period 6:39 – Richardson scores, the assist to Wellwood and Rome. Kings chase Luongo. 4-1 Ron Dugays.
2nd Period 5:07 – Mike Sam. Snips top shelf.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Canucks / Kings Game 2
1st Period 20:00 – Not sure if its by design or technical difficulty but CBC lets the fans do the intro. No voiceovers, no ice-level reporter yelling over the crowd. Nice touch.
1st Period 19:58 – After a shot of the Odds opening the game with a riff in the Best Buy lounge, Jim Hughson opens with the line “Odds are, this is going to be a pretty good game…” thank you Hughie, glad you’re here all week.
1st Period 14:41 – after the whistler Dustin Brown shoves Jannik Hansen and I am pretty sure I saw him mouth the words, “weren’t you the barista who served my Starbucks this morning?”
1st Period 12:26 - the good news? Canucks score on the PP. The bad news? Its Steve Bernier with a JOTS (Jonny on the spot) which means he will probably stay on PP2.
1st Period 11:41 – Can someone tell me when Ric Flair became an official Canucks spokesman? Still on the fence on how I feel about the “Woooo!” after each goal announcement but leaning toward the “dislike” camp.
1st Period 9:51 – 2 – bagel. The always dangerous swagger-buzz creeps into GM Place.
1st Period 5:01 – Shane O’Brien rags the puck ona nifty breakout, doing his best to lose his nickname “Chloe”
1st Period 2:49 - Andrew Alberts with his second penalty of the game. [Ed note: note sure why I logged this…perhaps coincidental foreshawdowing for 13:42 of the 3rd]
1st Period 1:15- Save by Luongo, scrum ensues. Triangle triangle triangle
2nd Period 12:12 – shot of Terry Murray behind the bench; but the real story here is the gentleman behind him with the Affliction sweatshirt and necklace that looks like a golden dog leash. You can bet he will have that same seat when UFC comes to town in a few months.
2nd Period 10:42 – Craig Simpson and Jim Hughson discuss “Face punchabilty” citing Rich Clume as the top of the their list. Let’s revisit this list a little later..
2nd Period 9:45 – in minor hockey, you learn quickly that wet hockey gear stinks. But there is a tolerable threshold and the there is a transcendent level of stench that only a few kids are able to pull off. By the looks of Ryan Smyth’s chinstrap in High Definition, he was THAT kid
2nd Period 9:05 – 2-1 goal.
2nd Period 8:27 – 2-2. Ouch.
2nd Period 1:20 – Another Canucks PP. Is it me or are the green guys not on their game tonight? Seems like the top green guy is more concerned about how his junk looks on national TV
2nd Intermission– Frank D’Angelo has personally gone out of his way to ensure I never buy a Cheetah drink
3rd Period 15:56 – little brew-ha-ha ensues as Samuelsson gets a shoulder to the chest at mid-ice by the vodka-guy Stolli. More notably though, brings up one of my biggest pet peeves; camera men who, as soon as the whistle blows, push the camera to the sky, as if to say “play has stopped, therefore field of play does not need to be filmed, and I can now scratch my itch”
While we are here, the other broadcast pet peeves a) not replaying fights in slow motion enough, and b) cameramen with low hockey IQ, awestruck by the puck and all too often miss big checks that are delivered after the puck has been passed.
13:42 – Andrew Albertsss third penalty. Hopefully that solidifies his spot in the press box at the Staples Centre. Maybe he should go back to the Canadian Tire team from which he came.
18:52 – Kopitar bangs home a knob-gobbler of a goal. CBC pans to the Kings press box where Kings management celebrate. Which leaves me with only one question heading into Game 3…why did they rename the Superbowl trophy after the Kings GM?
1st Period 19:58 – After a shot of the Odds opening the game with a riff in the Best Buy lounge, Jim Hughson opens with the line “Odds are, this is going to be a pretty good game…” thank you Hughie, glad you’re here all week.
1st Period 14:41 – after the whistler Dustin Brown shoves Jannik Hansen and I am pretty sure I saw him mouth the words, “weren’t you the barista who served my Starbucks this morning?”
1st Period 12:26 - the good news? Canucks score on the PP. The bad news? Its Steve Bernier with a JOTS (Jonny on the spot) which means he will probably stay on PP2.
1st Period 11:41 – Can someone tell me when Ric Flair became an official Canucks spokesman? Still on the fence on how I feel about the “Woooo!” after each goal announcement but leaning toward the “dislike” camp.
1st Period 9:51 – 2 – bagel. The always dangerous swagger-buzz creeps into GM Place.
1st Period 5:01 – Shane O’Brien rags the puck ona nifty breakout, doing his best to lose his nickname “Chloe”
1st Period 2:49 - Andrew Alberts with his second penalty of the game. [Ed note: note sure why I logged this…perhaps coincidental foreshawdowing for 13:42 of the 3rd]
1st Period 1:15- Save by Luongo, scrum ensues. Triangle triangle triangle
2nd Period 12:12 – shot of Terry Murray behind the bench; but the real story here is the gentleman behind him with the Affliction sweatshirt and necklace that looks like a golden dog leash. You can bet he will have that same seat when UFC comes to town in a few months.
2nd Period 10:42 – Craig Simpson and Jim Hughson discuss “Face punchabilty” citing Rich Clume as the top of the their list. Let’s revisit this list a little later..
2nd Period 9:45 – in minor hockey, you learn quickly that wet hockey gear stinks. But there is a tolerable threshold and the there is a transcendent level of stench that only a few kids are able to pull off. By the looks of Ryan Smyth’s chinstrap in High Definition, he was THAT kid
2nd Period 9:05 – 2-1 goal.
2nd Period 8:27 – 2-2. Ouch.
2nd Period 1:20 – Another Canucks PP. Is it me or are the green guys not on their game tonight? Seems like the top green guy is more concerned about how his junk looks on national TV
2nd Intermission– Frank D’Angelo has personally gone out of his way to ensure I never buy a Cheetah drink
3rd Period 15:56 – little brew-ha-ha ensues as Samuelsson gets a shoulder to the chest at mid-ice by the vodka-guy Stolli. More notably though, brings up one of my biggest pet peeves; camera men who, as soon as the whistle blows, push the camera to the sky, as if to say “play has stopped, therefore field of play does not need to be filmed, and I can now scratch my itch”
While we are here, the other broadcast pet peeves a) not replaying fights in slow motion enough, and b) cameramen with low hockey IQ, awestruck by the puck and all too often miss big checks that are delivered after the puck has been passed.
13:42 – Andrew Albertsss third penalty. Hopefully that solidifies his spot in the press box at the Staples Centre. Maybe he should go back to the Canadian Tire team from which he came.
18:52 – Kopitar bangs home a knob-gobbler of a goal. CBC pans to the Kings press box where Kings management celebrate. Which leaves me with only one question heading into Game 3…why did they rename the Superbowl trophy after the Kings GM?
Friday, April 16, 2010
Canucks / Kings Game 1
Apologies in advance to Bill Simmons. Got caught up in rush hour traffic, was late for the game so instead of meeting my friends at the bar, decided to do a running diary of the Canucks first playoff game of 2010.
Random thoughts from the first period:
- Caught the end of the Caps / Habs game. I guess Ovie is Russian for “laid an egg”
- Anze Kopitar – aka “the only professional athlete in LA not named Sam Cassell to not have groupies”
- I hereby name thee, Michael “No” Handzus
- Wayne Simmonds or Joel Ward for the least black guy name on a black guy?
- Kings hilights from the 1st limited to the following: Quick and a pretty nice toedrag by Freddy Modin
7:06 – We need a ESPN show called “Chirping” that chronicles every whistle and the pleasantries are exchanged between whistles. Either that or we need the lip reading chick from Seinfeld doing color instead of Craig Simpson.
7:08 – apparently Terry Murray is rolling the D-lines against the twins. That’s sort of like going to a university houseparty with your buddies and you find out the girls have been drinking for 2 hours already.
7:10 - ..and only 10-minutes in, we have the obligatory “guy on a cell phone who wants to wave to his buddies watching the game on TV”. Sit down.
7:34 – Samuelsson flattens Jack Johnson, anointing the new nickname “Banana Pancakes”
8:02 – and Steve Bernier is on the PP because………..
8:07 – Hank gets impaled by Kopitar. Apparently if you are able to skewer the quarter inch space in between the bucket and the visor without touching the face, it’s technically not a penalty.
8:08 - Kings have been doing their video homework; watching “how NOT to deal with the green guys by Nashville”
8:12 – You know why I like Canucks PP unit #1? Because it’s how I would play it were a video game. Take the 5 guys with the highest (offensive) skill rating and put them on. That puts Demitra on the point and “shoot from every angle” Samuelsson on with the twins and Salo. Know why I hate PP2? Steve Bernier.
8:15 – thanks to Craig Simpson for reminding viewers that “this faceoff is a good opportunity for both teams to win possession”
8:20 – Sedin scores from Sedin. Any other pairing in the NHL and it’s the lead story and immediate highlight of the year. Fantastic regroup and goal on the rush.
8:28 – LA scores. Modin from Frolov and Bilbo Baggins
8:31 – Simpson: “He didn’t feel it until it hit his pad”
8:32 – Bieksa: the guy who glares at every dude at the bar who isn’t with his crew
8:34 – Reason #502 why playoff hockey is so great – every whistle is like a game of NHL ’93 with both teams button mashing the hit button.
8:41 – When Scott Oake retires he will patent the “Stare at a spot on the guys face and nod” move during intermission interviews.
8:44 – congratulations to Enterprise Enterprise Enterprise
8:49 – Brian Murray interview from Ottawa
8:58 – Brad Richardson joins Joe Sacco All Stars along with late inductee Paul Ysebeart
9:02 – this just in. its reported that the NHL has mandated Anze to wear a tinted shield during games shot in HD
9:07 – Wait a minute. Ryan Smyth is playing? Shouldn’t he be at the World Championships?
9:17 – Edler almost ENDS Doughty. Brilliant, potentially game changing, momentum building hit. Reminds me; Edler AND Samuelsson don’t crack the Swedish Olympic team? Team Sweden apparently favours D-men who have North American sounding names – (David) Jonny Oduya and Douglas Murray
9:22 – Doughty can captain the “tongues out All Stars”. Other guys in the organization are Chris Pronger, Alex Kovalev, Janne Niinimaa, Alex Ovechkin, and Hall of Famer Greg Hawgood.
9:23 – what other types of “Overtime” are there in hockey? Why must we always say Sudden Death?s that a marketing scheme? Isn’t that the rule, rather than the exception? What other sports use a non-sudden death overtime? Lacrosse? Basketball?
9:50 – Matt Greene puts the paddle down while looking like a young James Woods.
9:52 – Quick with an amazing save on Hank. This kid is legit.
9:54 – Luongo with an equally impressive desperation save. Degree of difficulty gets +3.0 with a goalie paddle looped under his toe strap. He calls this one the Backscratcher.
9:57 – Shane O’Brien looking to draw an icing by taking the long route back to the puck. Oh never mind, he’s going full speed.
9:59 – Hank to Samuelsson. Game over.
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