Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Canucks / Hawks Game 3

Pre-game montage paralleling the Canucks and Team Canada’s run to gold. Somewhere at VANOC CTV makes a few urgent calls. Not sure who is answering the phone.

New feature – the slow motion “walking into the arena in a suit” vignette. We find out that Dustin Bfyglguislgiuen is actually Anthony Anderson and Ryan Kesler hates cameras.

East Side Marios commercial for the 9827329th time. Pretty sure I am going to go out of my way to ensure that none of my family or friends ever eat there.

Richard Loney getting the call tonight for the Star Spangled Banner – almost as surprising as the vents cut into the side of Patrick Kane’s hair. Mark Donnelly’s 68-Short tuxedo comes out to bat clean-up.

1st Period 18:50 Jim Hughson introduces the goalies and lets us know that Antti Niemi is planning to have off-season surgery. Plans to start the 2011 season as Uncle Niemi.

1st Period 17:59 Too many men on the ice, but more importantly we learn that the gold chain guy is back!!

1st Period 14:54 Nice PK by Alex Burrows, or as I call him, “Playoff pool killer”

1st Period 14:49 Kevin Bieksa makes it 1-0 Hawks.

1st Period 7:26 Replay shows Daniel Sedin stopped by a magnetic field on the top of his right pad.

1st Period 5:41 Is Ryan Johnson actually Trevor Letowski?

1st Period 6:29 Mikael Samuelsson bowls over Seabrook behind the Hawks net. Samuelsson is like that kid in gym class who doesn’t look strong until you’re paired up with him to do Roman-Greco wrestling.

1st Period 4:04 Erhoff needs to turn Erh-ON

1st Period 3:11 Dustpan D-Buff (his WWE name) makes it two-bagel.

1st Period Dave Bolland whispered something about Hank Sedin’s mom. This is a mistake, especially so close to Mother’s Day. Daniel takes exception and challenges him to a glove-smelling competition.

1st Period 1:25 Not sure how I feel about the new CBC minimalist clock that updates the powerplay time sporadically in 10 or 15-second intervals.

2nd Period 10:49 After a pretty blah start to the 2nd, a 4-minute shift by Daniel results in a goal by the Great Dane. This confidence booster prompts Hansen to start trash talking Ben Eager at the next faceoff.

2nd Period 10:20 Wellwood to the rescue. He trips over the net reminding everyone why Kyle Wellwood should not join scrums.

2nd Period 8:35 D-Buff with a jammer. 3-1. And a celebration that earns him a 3-match contract with the WWE.

2nd Period 6:57 SOB showing us how he earned the name SOB. Bad penalty.

2nd Period 6:21 Good to see the classic CBC PP clock back.

2nd Period 4:50 D-Buff with a nice two-handed slash that goes unnoticed by the refs. In a related story, the WWE are proud sponsors of tonight’s officials.

2nd Period 0:58 Burrows makes amends.

3rd Period 15:46 D-Buff impressively demonstrates the doublefisted facewash but wil serve two-minutes for showing off.

3rd Period 14:46 Late PP , Canucks down by one and SOB is on the bench joking with Erhoff like he just made a funny sounding fart. Something tells me Vig doesn’t ever have to worry about keeping SOB “loose”.

3rd Period Maryann Hossa on another rebound goal. 4-2.

3rd Period 7:20 A little flurry with Burrows and the Sedins results in a couple perimeter shots. Sort of like Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep in “Its Complicated”. Just a glimmer of what used to be.

3rd Period 6:02 Tell me what’s wrong with this sentence: D-Buff’s playoff hattrick. 5-2.

3rd Period 4:55 The only positive from this game is that my brain has been able to auto-filter Craig Simpson. When he speaks all I hear is pleasant white noise.

3rd Period 3:00 A little scrum at the Hawks bench. I’m no lip reader, but Adam Burish is a bit of a poet with a penchant for alliteration with the letter “F”.

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