Friday, May 7, 2010

Canucks / Hawks Game 4

Loney bats leadoff again and we see Gold Chain Guy immediately behind Quenneville. I think if anyone needs to step it up for Game 4 its Gold Chain Guy. He needs to be our Fat Tony and pull some favors with the family, dig some dirt on the Hawks.

1st Period 19:42 Well that didn’t take long. 1 bagel. Am I the only one who thinks Bieksa should have laid into D-Buff much earlier?

1st Period 18:26 Nice answer by a casual looking Wellsy. A street hockey goal – no look bat out of the air.

1st Period 15:23 Craig Simpson suggests that the Canucks leave D-Buff alone in front of the net. In a related story, Craig Simpson has D-Buff in his hockey pool.

1st Period 11:53 Great shift by Mason Raymond. One of the few Canucks who, in this series looks like he has a “playoff mode” where he adds a dimension to his game. Love how he holds the speed burst button as well.

1st Period 10:47 Another penalty by SOB. D-Buff showing more restraint than Wellwood at the buffet.

1st Period 10:39 2-0. Luu?

1st Period 8:35 Penalty to Marryann Hossa for a well choreographed fall by Kesler and we see Ken Hitchcock working the penalty gate.

1st Period 5:26 Daniel broken-rush PP goal. Game has the making of a good old fashioned shoot-out.

1st Period 4:31 Pass back to Alberts on the point and Alberts dumps it in? EA Sports, I hope you are watching – change that Offensive Awareness to 18 please.

1st Period 3:03 A rare look at Adam Burish, who is a Volkswagen van and a pair of Birkenstocks away from finding spirituality in the off-season.

1st Period 0:21 Sami Salo gets 2-minutes for playing good defence.

2nd Period 19:33 Another stellar start to the period. 3-2. Trying to wish this into a good omen.

2nd Period 18:05 CBC plugs their “All-Access” camera that fans can control live via the internet. Couldn’t think of a better way to watch a hockey game than through a low-resolution camera and streaming from a herky-jerky internet connection from weird angles controlled by guys on during the game. Other than that, sounds like a great promotion.

2nd Period 14:58 Unofficial stat: glass banging is up 89% in games that involveDustpan Byglifiufen.

2nd Period 9:50 Seabrook, arguably the hardest hitter in the series so far, goes awfully hard into the net to “draw” a penalty against Daniel. Canucks (lack of) PK and Luongo’s (lack of) rebound control make it 4-2.

2nd Period 6:30 Yikes. For the first time in my memory, Luongo getting sarcastic jeers for a dump in save he makes. Daniel with another short-fused penalty. Big moment in the series here.

2nd Period 5:45 Down two men, Canucks on the cusp of an epic unraveling……… or an eternal optimist would say an opportunity for galvanization.

2nd Period 4:33 Toews hattrick goal pretty much silences any glimmers of optimism. 5-2.

2nd Period 4:10 The season flashes before the team’s eyes as the Canucks go down two men again when Kopecky goes down after a Mason Raymond fart.

2nd Period 2:27 Hossa the recipient of an awful make-up call that showcases the brutal officiating.

2nd Period 1:46 Edler resuscitates the garage. 5-3.

3rd Period 15:08 Alberts looks surprised that he is getting a penalty for face-washing Kane WHILE Kane has the puck. Hmm.

3rd Period 13:00 6-3. 3-1.

3rd Period 9:00 Hawks play keepaway in the Canucks zone. If this game took place in Men’s league the Canucks would already have an email drafted to the commissioner asking to be tiered down a level.

3rd Period 6:36 As if they want to just clear out the fans early, the organist plays a dreadful rendition of Bittersweet Symphony. Can we get put this song on the “Internationally recognized list of songs that should never be played on an arena organ” please?

3rd Period 5:35 Signs that things are looking bleak: CBC has the time to pull “all-time back to back hattricks” by the Hawks.

3rd Period 5:23 Refusing to acknowledge the 6-4 goal because both teams are playing like NBA teams in the last minute of a game with a 23 point lead.

Seems like an apt commercial to close the broadcast with: Dr. Scholl’s Skin Tag Remover.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Canucks / Hawks Game 3

Pre-game montage paralleling the Canucks and Team Canada’s run to gold. Somewhere at VANOC CTV makes a few urgent calls. Not sure who is answering the phone.

New feature – the slow motion “walking into the arena in a suit” vignette. We find out that Dustin Bfyglguislgiuen is actually Anthony Anderson and Ryan Kesler hates cameras.

East Side Marios commercial for the 9827329th time. Pretty sure I am going to go out of my way to ensure that none of my family or friends ever eat there.

Richard Loney getting the call tonight for the Star Spangled Banner – almost as surprising as the vents cut into the side of Patrick Kane’s hair. Mark Donnelly’s 68-Short tuxedo comes out to bat clean-up.

1st Period 18:50 Jim Hughson introduces the goalies and lets us know that Antti Niemi is planning to have off-season surgery. Plans to start the 2011 season as Uncle Niemi.

1st Period 17:59 Too many men on the ice, but more importantly we learn that the gold chain guy is back!!

1st Period 14:54 Nice PK by Alex Burrows, or as I call him, “Playoff pool killer”

1st Period 14:49 Kevin Bieksa makes it 1-0 Hawks.

1st Period 7:26 Replay shows Daniel Sedin stopped by a magnetic field on the top of his right pad.

1st Period 5:41 Is Ryan Johnson actually Trevor Letowski?

1st Period 6:29 Mikael Samuelsson bowls over Seabrook behind the Hawks net. Samuelsson is like that kid in gym class who doesn’t look strong until you’re paired up with him to do Roman-Greco wrestling.

1st Period 4:04 Erhoff needs to turn Erh-ON

1st Period 3:11 Dustpan D-Buff (his WWE name) makes it two-bagel.

1st Period Dave Bolland whispered something about Hank Sedin’s mom. This is a mistake, especially so close to Mother’s Day. Daniel takes exception and challenges him to a glove-smelling competition.

1st Period 1:25 Not sure how I feel about the new CBC minimalist clock that updates the powerplay time sporadically in 10 or 15-second intervals.

2nd Period 10:49 After a pretty blah start to the 2nd, a 4-minute shift by Daniel results in a goal by the Great Dane. This confidence booster prompts Hansen to start trash talking Ben Eager at the next faceoff.

2nd Period 10:20 Wellwood to the rescue. He trips over the net reminding everyone why Kyle Wellwood should not join scrums.

2nd Period 8:35 D-Buff with a jammer. 3-1. And a celebration that earns him a 3-match contract with the WWE.

2nd Period 6:57 SOB showing us how he earned the name SOB. Bad penalty.

2nd Period 6:21 Good to see the classic CBC PP clock back.

2nd Period 4:50 D-Buff with a nice two-handed slash that goes unnoticed by the refs. In a related story, the WWE are proud sponsors of tonight’s officials.

2nd Period 0:58 Burrows makes amends.

3rd Period 15:46 D-Buff impressively demonstrates the doublefisted facewash but wil serve two-minutes for showing off.

3rd Period 14:46 Late PP , Canucks down by one and SOB is on the bench joking with Erhoff like he just made a funny sounding fart. Something tells me Vig doesn’t ever have to worry about keeping SOB “loose”.

3rd Period Maryann Hossa on another rebound goal. 4-2.

3rd Period 7:20 A little flurry with Burrows and the Sedins results in a couple perimeter shots. Sort of like Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep in “Its Complicated”. Just a glimmer of what used to be.

3rd Period 6:02 Tell me what’s wrong with this sentence: D-Buff’s playoff hattrick. 5-2.

3rd Period 4:55 The only positive from this game is that my brain has been able to auto-filter Craig Simpson. When he speaks all I hear is pleasant white noise.

3rd Period 3:00 A little scrum at the Hawks bench. I’m no lip reader, but Adam Burish is a bit of a poet with a penchant for alliteration with the letter “F”.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Canucks / Hawks Game 2

Anthem facial hair close-ups:
- Luongo sporting the “Hank Scorpio
- Burrows with the “Dirty Frenchman
- Toews with some textbook muttonchops
- Antti Niemi has the same barber as Scott Oake
- That King of Queens guy has yellow fever!

1st period 20:00 Refeees and linesmsn showcase their special handshake that rivals the Chicago Cubs homerun dance.

1st period 18:38 Mason Raymond’s Bad Teenage Mustache bangs home one of those fluky goals that usually go in against us.

1st period 17:59 Hank with a premature celebration on Bieksa’s cross-ice one-timer and rebound goal-post. Good to see the boys are loose.

1st period 15:57 Another goal line tease on the PP.

1st period 14:05 Sammy from Hank. Not sure what Brent Sopel was doing. Looks like he was playing nerf hockey in the hotel hallways.

1st period 6:05 Probably the best 4-minute stretch of back and forth playoff intense hockey yet.

1st period 1:30 Vancouver dodges a late period onslaught started by a SOB brainfart during the PK.

2nd period 11:45 Luuuuuuuuu on Burish

Not much to ramble on about; too much end to end action. Better flow than Duncan Keith’s hair.

Versteeg and Kesler trade 3 on 1 rushes during a Chicago PP. View from the living room tells me Versteeg should have shot but instead passed and Kesler should have passed instead of shot.

3rd Period 10:06 Wellwood is one of the few Canucks looking quite lethargic; the look written on his face say “I shouldn’t have had that deep dish pizza this morning.”

3rd period 8:18 some additions to the Tongues out All-Stars: Brent Seabrook and Michael Grabner

3rd period 6:49 Hawks charged with too many men.

3rd Period 5:17 Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Sharp records fires it high and wide. Fantast sports sidebar: Patrick Sharp is the NHL equivalent of Ben Zobrist. Multiple position eligibility and a huge contributor in the lesser known stat categories – face-offs won, shorthanded points, and a good plus minus player as well.

3rd Period 1:30 Steeg with a dagger. Canucks were scrambling. Luu was frenetic – any other play he would have had the angle.

Canucks / Hawks Game 1

• Perhaps I am biased having played my minor hockey in Coquitlam (home of the Chiefs), but are there any better jerseys than the Chicago Blackhawks?
• Its always interesting to see the electricity in the building in other arenas. For whatever reason, the cheers feel more authentic than they did at the Staples Centre. Cheering solidly throughout the anthem? That’s pretty cool.
• Hate to say it, but I like Chicago’s theme: One Goal.
• The obligatory scan of the benches reveals a greased up Rypien looking like he’s ready to go five rounds in the octagon

• 1st period 19:59 Did Jim Hughson just call them the Chicago Blackcocks?
• 1st period 8:03 Patrick Kane’s mullet narrowly misses an open net.
• 1st period 6:45 Patrick Sharp – I wonder if he is in any relation to Frankie "Mr. Big" Sharp of Sharp Records from Waynes World?
• 1st Period Ehrhoff scores, the assist to Raymond and Sopel. Never did I think I would be able to type this sentence: The more Brent Sopel plays, the better chance we have at winning the game.
• Joel Quenneville looks like he shops at Ingledews
• Wellwood muscles through a mugging to push in the 4-0 goal. We haven't seen mitt in the face like that since this picture made its rounds on the internet.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Canucks / Kings Game 6

Game 6 Highlights

• LA organist playing “Brass Bonanza”
• Hughie makes note of Ryan Smyth’s 6 inch tip that almost went in.
• Its now physically impossible for Hughie to say just “Kopitar”. He’s the reverse Gandhi.
• Alexander Frolov making his presence felt after the Kings made a trade for him in between Game 5 and 6…is that legal??
• Was the Samuelsson penalty a sneaky backwards way of the officials getting back at Luongo for his soccer-like antics?
• Did we ever find out why Carolina was so quick to give up on Jack Johnson? 1st round pedigree traded for Tim Gleason and a roll of sock tape.
• Luongo, brutally out of position, makes a McLean-like statement save on Ryan “Reichel” Smyth.
• The assist that won’t get an assist on the Bernier goal; Wellwood’s subtle stick on O’Donnell that forces him to muff the clearing attempt.
• Nice replay of Hank Sedin narrowly missing Dustin Brown’s Slap Chop
• Clutch 3rd period by the twins, Mikky Sam and dare I say, SOB.
• See you in Round 2 – my money is on the Hawks, but it would be nice to see the Yotes.
• The fan in me hopes that Hughie gets the Canucks series, the blogger in me hopes for some fresh meat. Hughson has got so good, he is not only calling a fantastic game, but he is also lobbing Simpson home run pitches and learning to mitigate his deplorability

Friday, April 23, 2010

Canucks / Kings Game 5

it's Game Cinqo de Rob de Maio!

Canucks with a convincing 7-2 rout.

Only, notable is Johnny Gold chain is back. This time with an Italia Olympic shirt as if Terry Murray couldn't smell your aftershave from there. Perhaps Terry owes Johnny some money on a World Series bet gone awry.....

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Canucks / Kings Game 4

1st period 19:37 – straight in from the BOS/BUF OT game. Lu tested early. The LA fans begin taunting with cries of “Turrrruttuurrrrrroooo”

1st period 17:52 – Baumgartnerr’s first shift. Put him on the Pat Falloon All Stars of hyped World Junior stars that never quite panned out.

1st period 12:40 – a little footage from the warm-ups where the league collected $57K in fines; confirms what Canuck fans thought of Shane “immediate gratification” O’Brien; his mind is not wired to the larger picture. Well, that and he as a piss poor shot.

1st period 10:50 - Canucks on the ice Christian, Pavol, Tanner, Nolan and Jannik. Sounds like the guestlist at Celebrities.

1st period 8:10 – Burrows replaces Bernier on PP2. Vignault must have received my thesis titled, “Coaching – set your lines like it’s a video game”.

1st period 6:26 - another LA PP goal. Definitely starting to sense a theme here.

1st period 1:38 – Canucks passes are so tentative and airborne they look more like soccer crosses

1st period recap: if the Canucks are Snooki, then it was pretty much worst case scenario. Tequila shots (penalties) and desperate dudes (Kings PP) were the demons.

1st period 1:36 - Da Rude Sandstorm plays right before the faceoff. Apprently the Kings Game Presentation staff forgot their “Hockey Songs” CD and instead brought “Strip Club Anthems” instead

2nd period – Kings with a nice cycle, Jim Hughson really enjoying saying “Ahhhn-zaaay Koooo-pit-arrrrrrrr”

2nd period 16:24 - Snooki gets a glass of water and finds new life. 1-1

2nd period 15:11 – Bieksa takes a penalty for pitchforking. Scrum ensues, Dustin Brown gets to find out if O’Brien’s gloves smell.

Sedins on the PK. I like the shakeup. Now all we need is John Namestnikov as our 6th D-man.

2nd period 13:55 – 9th PP goal; words Canucks fans thought they’d never hear – “what we need is Ryan Johnson”. Craig Simpson describes it as “no chance for Luongo”. Really? No screen, snapshot from the top of the circle? Really.

2nd period 12:28 – Luongo has dropped his stick for the 8327th time in the series.

2nd period 11:18 – Scott Oake reports that Rob Scuderi earned the nickname the “SCUD Missile” in his university dorm by not flushing

2nd period 10:42 - delayed penalty; Ehrhoff works a neutral zone give n go with Roberto Turturro

2nd period 7:22 – Jannick Hansen 2 minutes for being interfered with. Interesting call. Release the internet conspiracy hounds!

2nd period 5:22 – Snooki actually refuses a shot of JD.

2nd period 4:25 – Pavol NicetaMeetya. 2-2.

2nd period 3:38 - Dustin Brown gives Burrows a Stone Cold Stunner

2nd period 3:11 - Ahhhn-zaaay Koooo-pit-arrrrrrrr makes it 3-2 in a play where we were going to get penalized for him highsticking himself.

CBC catches a heated exchange between Shane O’Brien and assistant coach Rick Bowness. Apparently peeping LA Kings Ice Crew’s baumgartners doesn’t show good focus.

3rd Period 15:30 – Snooki is tempted to take some sips of her friend’s double vodka redbull. But Knish from Rounders saves the day by flashing his leather.

3rd period 13:36 – great save Turturro! And great call by the white Gus Johnson!

3rd period 12:30 – the Canucks go retro and bring back the always dangerous slap-pass. New game.

3rd period 10:24 – Mikky Sam another solid hit and establishes himself as an early favorite for the Conn Smythe

3rd period 9:37 – what do we have here? Too many man LA? Snooki, turns the tables and starts buying shots for the crew.

3rd period 7:44 – Sami Salo gives Vancouver the lead and does so while wearing Robert Nordmark’s old #6

3rd period 6:42 – Wayne Simmonds ties it up for the Mike Krushelniskys and does so while wearing Bob Corkum’s old #17.

3rd period 4:38 – some dude with the world’s largest melon standing up in front of the camera. Have a seat. PS nice crew cut.

3rd period 3:05 – Doughty with the hockey equivalent of the soccer “toe punt it out of bounds” by just jumping on Samuelsons stick

3rd period 2:52 – kfjsd;kfjds;fkljdskdfjsdlkfjsdlk HANK! HANK! Celebrates like an OT winner. Love it.

3rd period 1:45 – According to Hughie Wellwood “Smeagols away from a check”. No one smeagols better than Wellwood.

3rd period 0:50 – nice work by Danny Russo to kill some time deep in the zone while Cobra Kai gangbang him.

3rd period 0:16 – Kesler ices it. Well done.